I know a lot of people are pissed at me for some of the comments I’ve made lately about the way ‘tranny world’ operates and that a lot of people have taken those comments personally. Please believe me when I say that my intention was never to hurt anybody personally with any of my blanket statements. I only intended to convey my take on how the ‘regular’ world views us and want to try to improve the situation for all of us.
To those who took offense, I can only hope you accept my apology. I’m sorry for going overboard, but as I’ve always been a fighter for equal rights for all people, my goal was never to have flame wars with my peers. I mean, with porn being most peoples’ only exposure to transpeople, I feel that even though we ‘sell ass,’ we can still set a standard in which we are viewed as sexy and classy, and more importantly, sexually acceptable. I know I’ve gotten carried away on my tirades on the subject a few too many times and I’m truly sorry.
And I don’t hate porn; I hate the porn business. I knew that coming in and I obviously came on much too strong about it after all of the warnings I’d received about how it’ll ‘bring me down.’ I try not to play defense, so I overdid the offense. Why get involved at all you ask? Well, I’ve been in other aspects of the adult business for years and southern California is a barren wasteland at the moment when it comes to ‘square’ jobs, and of those that are available, most seem to be going to the traditional ‘breadwinners’ (i.e. men). So in the immortal words of Priscilla Presley in the Naked Gun, ‘I was young. I needed the money.’
Regardless, I now have a plan that will allow me to contribute my vision of what transporn should be all about, and I truly believe that with it I will be able to lead by example instead of wasting energy fighting the powers that be and unintentionally insulting people (sorry again!), and at this point, I feel that there is room enough for everybody in this industry to co-exist. And that’s all I was ever looking for. I never really wanted to destroy anyone; I just wanted to protect myself.
It should be obvious to everyone that I’m far from perfect and I never claimed otherwise, although I do try really, really hard to get it right – maybe even too hard. Like most transwomen, I’ve been through a lot of abuse and have been kicked around a lot, both before and after transition, and while some people become weakened by it, I found ways to make myself stronger. My mentality is that if you don’t defend yourself, nobody else will either and so there are plenty of times when I feel provoked and overreact to those who would ‘dare’ cross me. All I can do is apologize and try my best to keep it from continuing. I think everyone here can relate to the fact that I don’t trust a lot of people and to be quite honest, very few have given me a reason to… which brings me to my final statements about that for which I will not apologize:
I’m not going to apologize to Nicole Dupre because turning a relatively civil disagreement on merits into an all-out nuclear, personally insulting clusterfuck is her stock in trade, and frankly I don’t think anybody really gives a shit about either of us anyway… and probably never did. Bottom line? Nicole’s got her issues and I’ve got mine and I think everyone really just wants us to stay away from each other and stop littering the board with our bullshit, so that’s what I intend to do.
I’m also not going to apologize to Hara for what I consider a fairly obvious reason: while she never struck me as a bad person, she still was the ‘sanctimonious, holier-than-thou bitch’ that came before me. But believe you me, there will be somebody else who will come along, probably sooner than later, who will pick up the mantle again. I suggest to anybody currently thinking about it to view both of us as cautionary tales!
And finally, I feel that I should apologize to Steven (Seanchai) for convicting him before I’ve really given him a fair hearing out. On the one hand, it’s pretty difficult to ignore his pimp-like vibe, and I do still think that companies regularly fuck with models to ‘keep them hungry.’ But on the other hand, I’m aware of the fact that a lot of the girls like him a lot and that the dynamic in the entertainment business in general (let alone porn) between production and talent predates Steven, and in fact the entire trans genre, by plenty of decades. That said, I apologize to you Steven for jumping down your throat before I really got a chance to know you as well as I should have. I’m willing to take a chance on you if you feel you can do the same for me.
Thank you all for reading this and I hope you will accept my most sincere apologizes.
~BB~
March 30, 2010 at 8:25 pm -
seriously Bella, why would you feel the need to apologize about what you think is right? If you are going to blaze a trail to enlightenment, you may burn a few bridges along the way. Everything you said was right and the fact that it got a few people riled up is because it is the Truth! If you are making money off same said crowd, you probably better keep things to yourself. Unfortunately, porn is the major income stream for almost all shemales(I know this is a porn term) and that may never change. Maybe if transexuals were more excepted in the mainstream, they could be whatever they want. I view them as people myself regardless of what they do. That Seanchi guy has made loads of money off shemales and probably was a failure at getting females and found a niche in filming and making money off the TS community. More power to him but he ain’t no Romeo, just an exploiter(IMO), feeding off the needs and desires of shemales trying to make a buck and his own sexual desires. But don;t beat yourself up. Fighting with your sisters isn’t healthy because there are some real nut-cases in shemaledom! Most do not have your intelligence or IQ and are too emotional unstable to see your points. But you rock IMO!!!
March 30, 2010 at 8:34 pm -
I apologized for making my grievances public, and that really was my bad and I would apologize again given the chance, but I never said I was wrong. And you’re right. A bunch of infighting transwomen is exactly what this industry thrives on, but there will always be those that defend the status quo and those who fight against it, and those in this business are very good at blurring those lines. I try to transcend, but sometimes it’s nearly impossible.
Thank you for your enlightened comments. I appreciate anybody who respects transwomen as the beautiful but misunderstood people we are.
~BB~
March 30, 2010 at 11:55 pm -
Damn right Bella! Wanna have lunch sometime? I live in the Valley. In my 40′s and think you’re a doll! Got pics here on my FB page..http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1227550310
March 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm -
Omg. I just found this by searching for myself on Google. What is your problem? I didn’t ask for an apology from you, so why are you even suggesting such a thing? I’m not even involved in making porn or posting on HA, since last Sept, because I don’t care. Why are you even talking about me? Why don’t you get a life? Stop living in the last decade.
March 22, 2011 at 8:35 pm -
You should take another look. I actually wrote this in the last decade. lol
~BB~
July 2, 2011 at 2:22 pm -
Why you say sorry to Steve Gallon is a mystery to me. Even calling him tonsoffun. Again like another poster already said before he is an exploiter. Failed or bored to get a proper job he instead decided to become some kind of porn producing mean machine. Tons of fun? I doubt it. Tons of crap. Tons of money on the back of his models. And those models who “like” him are trapped in his lovely grooby world.
Read the content of his forums. Letting his followers believe that a t girl is f..king machine ready 24 hours for old farts like Steve. How he thinks or is trying to sell his lame movies. Look at them and you will see many movies are dead ducks. They lack everything. The stupid interviews at the beginning. Then the boring voice of Frank. Sometimes holding a camera and doing a handjob too. What Steve or Frank trying to prove? a kind of blair witch project. Further he keeps using material he and Frank made years ago over and over. Just adding a few new photo’s or changing the name of a model. Trying to sell it as a new movie. No wonder many subcriber feal cheated and start giving it away for free on pirate websites.
You should ask Thai T girls how they think about him. Most hate him to the bone because he tricked them one by one. And the ones who love him are either blind or on ice. Most T girls there know not to believe any of his cheap promises. And what he pays is a shame. Steve claims all he is doing is legal there. Sorry Steve making porn in Thailand is illegal. No matter how many bribes you pay.
So do you really think this guy is the messiah for the transgender community. His behaviour and what he achieved is the worst promotion whatsoever. Models who refused or not willing to follow what he had in mind got a negative review on his websites. THe same goes for other websites or bar and clubs that didn’t match with Groobies world. Further he encourages prejudice behaviour towards T girls. Letting his subscribers believe that the most they like is being fucked in a rough way 24 hours a day. With no respect for the person. Even going so far that sex with a T girl that has phimosis is great. I hope Steve knows what he is saying because phimosis is a serious medical condition. Certainly no pleasure. But to some of his freaky subscribers it is a joy.
His biggest hoax is trying to let the outside world believe that T girl porn still is the biggest boom. And that in the Asian countries T girls are the most popular. Sorry Steve T girls ain’t exactly high in demand there. The scene is changing rapidly. There was a short boom in mid 2000′s. But thanks to the wonderful behaviour of Steve, Frank, Mark and Kim most followers left.
So tell me what you expect from a person like Steve. Or even say sorry to him. If one person should say sorry it is Steve himself. I ain’t here to judge on any person. Giving a view is different then judging. Steve is a master in judging. Like Frank. Sadly it won’t bring them anything. Only more bad karma. Groobies world is a big illusion. Built on the ignorance of certain subscribers and the exploiting of inexperienced models. Mark Newman went the same way. Also pretending to be the stepfather of all T girls. Look where his website is now.
My posts may sound arrogant or harsh. That is not my intention. Because of my personal experience with this guy I felt I had to make a few things clear. If people want to join Groobies world or work as a model up to them. Only be aware with what you are dealing. Yes and sometimes sorry seems to be the hardest word. In his case I wouldn’t bother about saying sorry. Instead ignore and forget about him. And let the pirates finish his websites off